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The Amazing Everything Wiki

Squilliam Returns is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season three. In this episode, Squidward tries to convince Squilliam that he owns a five star restaurant.

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On his lunch break, Squidward encounters Squilliam Fancyson with a group of his fans. Squilliam asks Squidward what he has "accomplished" since high school, Squidward, panicking, tells him that he owns a five-star restaurant. Squilliam tells Squidward that he and his friends will come to his restaurant that night, and Squidward is shocked. He begs Mr. Krabs to let him have control of the Krusty Krab for the day, and when he explains that Squilliam's coming, Mr. Krabs accepts because he knows that Squilliam has money (though this only faintly implied).

Squidward attempts to train his employees to turn the Krusty Krab into a fancy restaurant, including Patrick, who thought that he was joining the corps and is given the job of collecting the hats. SpongeBob, who doesn't yet know how a waiter workers, is the waiter, and Mr. Krabs, who says he once served on the S.S. Gourmet, is the chef. However, things do not go well; Patrick is beating up the hat rack because it won't "give" him its hat, Mr. Krabs makes terrible food and says that he worked as a janitor on the Gourmet and was the head chef on the S.S. Diarrhea, and SpongeBob can't handle the copy of How To Become A Fancy Waiter in Less Than 20 Minutesthat Squidward gave him. Squidward tells SpongeBob to clear his mind of "everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining and breathing". SpongeBob's mind, which is metaphorically portrayed as an office operated by little SpongeBobs, The boss tells them to dump everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining and breathing until further notice. They begin shredding all the documents, which represent SpongeBob's knowledge, until SpongeBob just stares into empty space and doesn't respond to anything.

Squidward runs outside and bumps into Squilliam, who is just about to enter. They both go inside, and see that the Krusty Krab has been transformed into a very fancy five-star restaurant. After sending all the customers to their tables, SpongeBob tells Squidward that he did all of this, and that he has tied up Patrick and Mr. Krabs in the kitchen. After his meal, Squilliam admits that he is impressed and asks SpongeBob what his name is. However, SpongeBob cannot remember his name, having discarded it along with everything else, and inside his mind, all of the little SpongeBobs are trying to find his name, which ultimately results in his brain snapping in half. SpongeBob goes insane, destroying the fancy restaurant environment and revealing the Krusty Krab for what it really is. Squilliam finds out that Squidward actually is a cashier, humiliating him. However, Squilliam then "admits" that he's also a cashier too before revealing that he was just kidding and that he is "filthy, stinkin' rich!" He and his crowd leave the restaurant to ride in his "balloon/casino", leaving Squidward dejected and defeated once again.


  • This is the second appearance of Squilliam Fancyson (hence the episode's name), the first being "Band Geeks".
  • "Hommina hommina hommina" is Ralph Kramden's catch phrase in the TV show The Honeymooners.
  • The "appetizer" destroys the door to the kitchen, but it is shown to be intact at the end of the episode.
  • Apparently Patrick wants to join the army (the corps). This could be a contradiction as he is normally lazy while the army is extremely active. However, Patrick did say that he thought the corps would help him straighten out his life.
  • The world's smallest violin was most likely Plankton's.
  • This is the second time diarrhea was mentioned. The 1st was The Bully. Diarrhea is a digestive problem that causes a stomachache.
  • There is some controversy among older audiences where Squidward imagined Squilliam in his underwear and he thought: "Oh no! He's hot!", meaning that Squidward might have some slight homosexual characteristics.
  • In the Bahasa Malaysia version of this episode, when SpongeBob grates the customer, he says "Your butt want to eat rice?.
  • This is the first time Fred wears the same clothes as SpongeBob (brown trousers, black belt and a white shirt). Fred would again wear the same clothes as Spongebob in The Sponge Who Could Fly , however for some reason, he's purple.
  • In this episode, Squilliam doesn't know SpongeBob's name, but in Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful, he knows it, because he says in the episode: Thank you, SpongeBob.
  • Apparently SpongeBob has a spice garden. (wich he also mentioned in No Weenies Allowed .)
  • In the original airing Squidward had said "Lie Squidward lying always makes it better" (to him self) It was later changed to "Don’t lie. Lying always makes it worse".
  • There is a deleted scene with Squidward being one-upped by Squilliam at everything in life. This was cut in later airings for unknown reasons.
  • Two parts of this episode have become popular on Youtube: the first being Patrick saying "may I take your hat sir?" and hommina.
  • SpongeBob and Squidward will wear similar clothes in The Clash of Triton
  • The scene when Squidward tells SpongeBob to clear his mind might be a parody to the Total Recall scene.
  • Running Gag: Mr. Krabs playing "the world's smallest violin."
  • When Mr. Krabs messes up the peas and the appetizer, Squidward interrogates him, and the two speak as though Mr. Krabs had told Squidward that he was the 'Head Chef' on the S.S. Gourmet, This is not true as their first conversation regarding the S.S. Gourmet was Squidward merely asking Mr. Krabs if he had served on the S.S. Gourmet, Mr. Krabs replied that he had served on the Gourmet, not serve as head chef.
  • Most of suitless Bikini Bottomites were wearing clothes in this episode.
  • If you look closer, there are two Nathiels in same time.
  • When Squidward asks SpongeBob how he transformed the Krusty Krab, Squidward addresses SpongeBob by name. SpongeBob replies, as if he already knows his name. However, toward the end of the episode, when Squilliam asks him his name, SpongeBob's name is "thrown out" of his mind. This conundrum would put a major loophole in the entire storyline.
  • When Squilliam "admits" he's a cashier, Mr. Krabs is wearing a tuxedo rather than the outfit he was wearing throughout the episode. This also happens at the very end.
  • Before Squilliam enters the restaurant, the windows of the Krusty Krab are visible, but inside, there is wallpaper covering the windows.
  • The episode claims that the "workers" in SpongeBob's brain threw out his name when disposing of everything except fine dining and breathing, but when Squidward speaks SpongeBob's name after being pinched by him, SpongeBob acts as if he knows his own name.
  • When Squidward encounters Squilliam he only has a a few friends with him, when Squilliam says, "We should all come." he has a lot more friends.
  • When Squidward turns his head over to Squilliam he is coming to the left, when Squidward puts his hat in the bin, Squilliam is to the right.
  • When Squilliam arrives at Squidward's "five-star restaurant", it is nighttime. But at the end of the episode, after Squidward says, "WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!", it is daytime.
  • When Mr. Krabs is playing the world's smallest violin after the Krusty Krab reverts to its original self, his eye stalks are white instead of pale green.
  • Squidward tried to imagine Squilliam in his underwear, but neither he or Squilliam wears underwear, or even pants at all.
  • Dish Network accidentally set this as "Squilllium Returns".
  • The face Squidward makes when Squilliam says he wants to the Krusty Krab tonight has become an internet meme.
  • When Squilliam asks Spongebob for him name, Squidward could have simply said to Squilliam "His name is Spongebob Squarepants" or just told Spongebob what his name is, that way Spongebob would not of destroyed the place up.


APM Music

  • Dingle's Regatta - Title Card.
  • Tomorrow the World - "There will come a day when I will make something of my life and I will never have to set foot in this grease trap again!!"
  • Dramatic Cue (e) - "Oh, shrimp! It's my arch-rival from high school, Squilliam Fancyson! I can't let him see me in my Krusty Krab uniform!"
  • Comic Walk - Squilliam gloats at Squidward.
  • Danger Zone - "(echo) Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear."
  • Torn Apart - Squilliam's crowd laughs.
  • Dramatic Encounter - Squidward's nose shrivels.
  • Hawaiian Link (b) - "Please, Mr. Krabs! You gotta help me! When they get here tonight, they're gonna see I'm just a big phony and a loser!"
  • Woe is Me! (double-speed) - #1: Mr. Krabs plays the world's smallest violin.
  • Up She Rises - Squidward prepares the Krusty Crew for Squilliam's arrival.
  • The Plot Thickens - Patrick beats up the hat rack.
  • Space Critters A - "*gasps* HOLY FISHPASTE!! WHAT IS THAT!!?"
  • It Came From Outer Space - SpongeBob becomes stressed and Squidward tells him to relax.
  • Mists of Illusion - #1: Squidward informs SpongeBob to empty his mind.
  • Metropolis - The hustle & bustle inside SpongeBob's brain.
  • Mists of Illusion - #2: SpongeBob is stuck in dead thought.
  • Dramatic Cue (d) - Squidward rushes out and bumps into Squilliam.
  • Glissando (c) - ""
  • Airs and Graces (a) - SpongeBob appears and seats Squilliam's guests.
  • Life Drifts By (a) - Squidward rubs his career in Squilliam's face.
  • Mists of Illusion - #3: SpongeBob struggles to remember his own name.
  • Dramatic Cue (g) - SpongeBob's brain panics and breaks in two.
  • Hawaiian Cocktail - "O.K, I admit it! I'm a fraud! This was all a fewl, pathetic attempt to impress you! This isn't really my restaurant...I'M JUST A CASHIER!" / "Squidward, I understand. I...have a confession to make myself."
  • Woe is Me! (double-speed) - #2: Mr. Krabs plays the smallest violin to fit the drama.
  • Hawaiian Link (a) - Squidward sits down and sighs,
  • Woe is Me! (double-speed) - #3: Mr. Krabs plays the smallest violin to ease Squidward; "WOULD YOU GET OUTTA HERE???!?!!!"